Yet Another Manic Monday

Posted on January 16, 2012 by berryvanillafull

Hello dear Positivity Crusaders.  I’ve been away again.  Actually, I’ve been working on another project in addition to doing some back-end work here on The Positivity Crusade.  My other project is a blog called Junkies Rising.  I’m excited about it because it feels more like it’s really mine.  When I began The Positivity Crusade online my…um…how to say this?  My circumstances (I guess?) were a bit different.  There was a partner in the beginning.  Truthfully, this person is basically the co-founder of an idea known to us as The Positivity Crusade.  We played around with this idea for years- it would come up whenever one of us did something particularly positive in our lives.  Then I decided, suddenly and on my own, that I wanted to build off of our little shared idea and create something EPIC, something that the world had access to, something that might actually be of service in our crazy world.  

Unfortunately, one of the effects of making sweeping lifestyle changes (such as the ones I’ve made in my own personal Crusade) is that many of the people that were around before don’t stick around.  I’m not saying it in anyway as a negative- and by saying it’s not necessarily negative to lose friends I don’t mean that I’m in any way better off without them.  Just to be clear, I’m not judging, just observing.  Any of us who have climbed up out of any kind of bottom in our lives will recognize this, I think.  People get used to us being a certain way and if we go and change that, sometimes it’s harder for them to deal with it than to just drift away.  

So, my partner/co-creator is no longer a part of The Positivity Crusade and I don’t think this person is going to change his/her mind.  I’d love if he/she did but it’s just not all that likely.  I’m actually actively looking for people to contribute writing, ideas, and even tech help (like a webmaster).  If you have any ideas you’d like to share, please(!!) feel more than free, feel invited to share them with us via comments.  

 

So?  What happens now?

The Positivity Crusade isn’t going anywhere, I just have to re-think and re-plan what I’m doing with it.  In the meantime, I’m going to be keeping Junkies Rising more current than The Positivity Crusade.  I may share posts, but Junkies Rising, as you can see right there in the title, has a different angle of inquiry and the content is far more tailored to a very specific audience. Much more specific than I’d intended for The Positivity Crusade.   If you go over there, please be warned that it is more gritty than this blog is and while I would never intentionally offend you, some of the content (archived, current, or future) might be a little much for you.  If not, great!  I’d love to start seeing you at Junkies Rising. 

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And I’m Back Online Again!!

Posted on December 31, 2011 by KriyaH

As to why anyone would hack this site I am totally clueless, but nonetheless, it happened.  I hope (and my fingers are crossed saying this) that it’s straightened out as I don’t need any further excuse to procrastinate my way out of writing.  I have been writing even without posting but I have to go back and check those things over to make a complete post possible.  I just wanted to let you know that I’m back in The Positivity Crusade and am using better security practices.  Hopefully I’ll be back within a day or two with a nice new post for you to read!!

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We’re in the Dark Time of the Year Again

Posted on December 6, 2011 by KriyaH

I don’t know how this works for other people but I do know what this time of year is like for me.  It is dark.  My energy wanes and my mood sinks down into the shadowy places.  It is already December and I feel like I have not moved an inch in months.  Certainly, I have not posted (after months of procrastination around a troublesome tech issue) here, I have not made any written progress in my fabled book, and I feel no closer to being the person I really want to be.  There’s been a lot of challenge in my life since summer so most likely I have grown more than is apparent from my limited perspective here in the darkness of winter.  In many ways I see how I have lapsed into old patterns and habits and have let rather compulsive, automatic, and even addictive behaviors set the course for much of the last couple months.  To be brutally honest, there were days and even whole weeks when I could only pray for some kind of mercy; often along the lines of “god, please please please help me find the faith to see this through.”

I faced what felt like unparalleled and insurmountable heartbreak after the man I’ve loved with all of my heart broke up with me on our 7th anniversary.  I actually initiated the break-up with very misguided passive-aggressive behavior that I simply cannot excuse, nor would even want to.  Irregardless of any thoughts or feelings I had before, I found myself consumed with a pain I’d never even come close to experiencing, fueled by so many conflicting feelings and beliefs that I couldn’t tell which way was up.  My entire construct of reality was shaken more deeply and violently than it had ever been before and I had not the slightest clue what was even real anymore.  Indeed, I came to question everything that had come before- my life, my feelings, my thoughts, my memories, my perceptions of EVERYTHING!  It was pretty brutal.  To further complicate an already complicated situation, everywhere I looked for advice or some kind of validation actually directed me in the opposite direction of what my heart kept whispering to me throughout it all.  I took the risk of abandoning all reason and the guidance of others to follow my heart and so far it has not let me down.

Ahh, but I intended to write a bit about the dark time of the year… winter.  Where was I?  Yes, the months leading to this moment were intense and required me to forge a brand new path through some of the wildest, gnarly, and vulnerable territory that I had ever imagined even existed.  I met with much resistance, often in it’s most tenacious guises such as jealousy, abandonment, insecurities of every variety, and beliefs that reassure me that I am inherently unlovable and unworthy.  As I write this I feel my chest tightening and my Everybody chiming in with “who are you trying to fool this time, Brandi?”  ”no one is even reading this, no one cares what you have to say… because you have NOTHING TO SAY!” etc, etc, etc.  I’ve gotten some practice with allowing my critical inner voice(s) to have their say- in fact I even sometimes go out of my way to give them the floor and take the opportunity to ask questions of them and even thank them for their fierce commitment to doing what they believe is keeping me safe.  This is proving to be an invaluable tool in allowing what is to just be, without actually having to become it or internalize it.  It is a constant practice- doing it one day does NOT mean I can get out of doing it the next day.  But, it’s one of those constant practices that yields constant rewards.  More of my heart gets to be expressed because those chatterbox voices have been acknowledged and given adequate voice to quiet them down for a while.  The fears and doubts that once paralyzed me are now just sort of par for the course and are actually more useful than they are destructive.  As long as I give them their due attention and voice.

Another aspect of this dark time is a sort of hibernation-like energy of wanting to sleep and sleep and sleep.  There is a difference, though, between sleep and rest, and just sleeping all the time is simply not restful.  After reading Julica Hermann’s most recent blog post, I’ve given more attention to slowing down into a more restful pace.  Last night, in fact, I didn’t even turn the lights on when dark settled down outside.  I went to sleep before 7pm!  I woke up today feeling more rested than I have in weeks.  I have tons of gratitude for Julica showing up in my life when she did, (I’m taking her WTF to OMG class right now).  I highly encourage you, dear reader, to check her out and if you feel a resonance, follow it.  She is a fiercely graceful support for the uncovering and unfolding of deeply held dreams, big and small, and has proven to be an angel in my life.   Ahhh!  I am so easily sidetracked ;)  But, yeah.  I’m spending my time really just doing nothing, as long as that is what I feel like doing.  If I’m being deliberately lazy, I take note and just keep being nice to myself.  This brings about different results than pushing myself through the tiredness with either too much activity or unnecessary busy-work.  Chasing distractions.  I prefer this way of being.  Self-compassion has got to be the single most directly rewarding practice I have ever taken on.  I love it.

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How Coffee is Sapping My Energy

Posted on November 30, 2011 by KriyaH

It is Wednesday evening.  Well, actually, if this were July instead of November, I’d be saying its afternoon but since darkness has settled fully in for the night, I’ll call it evening.  Ah, look at me getting sidetracked with mundane details already!  The power of my inherent ability for procrastination never ceases to astonish me with its pervasiveness.  Today has been very slow and lazy.  I’ve barely moved from the couch since I woke up at 5:30AM.  Ahhh!  The wonderful coffee-is-done-brewing gurgling sound is drifting from the kitchen into my ears.  Let me go get a cup and then we’ll talk about my coffee addiction. Ok.  Settling in.

So, yes, I have a raging coffee addiction these days.  Honestly, I’ve probably had it for years, it just hasn’t been this bad in a long time.  I just can’t stop drinking it.  I’ve tried making half-caf, I’ve tried fully decaf, I’ve tried switching it out with tea of various flavors, etc.  If anything, my efforts at quitting actually seem to further strengthen the pull to drink it.  But, alas, what we resist persists, as Carl Jung so succinctly observed.  I am pretty sure that quote originated with Jung, but to give accurate credit, I’ve actually heard many teachers use the term.  It’s a fundamental truth of Earthly existence really; a universal law even.  Last Spring when I first started fully stepping up and into my life with loving-kindness and mindfulness practice I witnessed this phenomena first hand.  At that point, I’d been hopelessly struggling against drug addiction for years.  Literally, my every waking moment was spent either somewhere in the process of doing drugs AND/OR running a constant tape in my head about how I needed to stop, needed to get away from a,b, and c.  I was brutally berating myself for not being strong enough, smart enough, good enough, or ultimately even capable of living without drugs.  Finally, out of sheer desperation and surrender, I read a book called “The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion” by Christopher Germer.

One of the first ideas put forth in that wonderful book was the concept of radical acceptance.  It suggested that we have been mistakenly taught to try to fix the apparent problems in our lives.  Our whole culture reflects this.  What the author writes flips that right on its head.  Rather than staying in that futile place of struggle, he suggests simply accepting the so-called problem.  To take it a step further (this part was crazy-talk to me!) he instead says to engage with the thing formerly seen as a problem from a place of loving-kindness.  So, instead of me beating myself up day after day over getting high, I began to step back and take a wider view.  I saw myself as a young child defenseless and chock-full of fear.  The child version of me fought hard, keeping on her brave face and trying to push Me away.  There was a lot of resistance as this part of Me has been incredibly uncomfortable around genuine kindness and since the present Me was approaching her with a wide open and gushingly loving heart, that poor little girl freaked!  I sat with her, patiently inviting her to say whatever she needed to say and basically allow her outbursts to expend themselves of the pressurized energy of overwhelming fear and self-loathing.  But, anyway, the point is that once I engaged this process of first simply accepting myself as-is, and then being deliberately compassionate toward the parts of myself that were hurting and angry, I found myself noting on the calendar that I’d passed my first thirty days of sobriety without even realizing.  Most significantly- without trying to stay clean.

For the last couple months my coffee consumption has been a source of anxiety, comfort, escape, and lots and lots of peeing (lolJ).  There was a point probably around June/July when I’d gotten myself down to one 12 when I woke up and another one sometime in the afternoon.  Summer heat also encouraged me to drink a lot of water, which I’m having trouble doing now.  As I got more depressed and lethargic and as the temperature dropped I started drinking more and more coffee.  As I increase my coffee intake, I experience a parallel increase in anxiety, fatigue, and inability to concentrate, and even some urinary health symptoms including repeated UTI’s.  Because of residual neurological damage from the spinal cord injury in 2000, I already have issues with urgency and frequenting the bathroom waaaay more than I’d like to.  That commercial for OAB reminds me of the “gotta go, gotta go, gotta go RIGHT NOW!!” dance I do periodically throughout each and every day.  It’s insane, really, how much I know that drinking coffee like this is totally unhealthy yet just keep drinking it.

For now I am going to experiment with allowing.  I’m going to just drink it when I feel like it and not stress over it.  I’m going to lovingly support myself instead of ridiculing myself for not having enough will power to even choose a healthier beverage.  I am going to also bring this same acceptance to my aversion to water.  Instead of pressuring myself to drink more of it, I’m going to flip the perspective around to that of gratitude.  I am grateful to have freely available, clean, safe, and hydrating water flowing from the faucets conveniently located right here in my apartment.  Much of the world community does not have that blessing and I feel very privileged to be able to sustain that basic need without external barriers.  Ah HA!!  It’s already working J  As I wrote that sentence, I looked around at the table in front of me to see if I have a glass of water handy.  I do not, and now it’s 5:55PM and a teleseminar that I want to listen to starts in five minutes.  I’m going to close with a question.  Can you see anything in your life that is like my relationship with coffee?  Something that you resent yourself for doing/not doing because in all actuality it’s really a simple and easy thing to do and yet you are apparently stuck in a habitual rut with it?  I’d love to hear how you approach your resistances.

I love you all and thank you deeply for being here with me as I bring myself center and open up to the world.

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A Confession of Sorts

Posted on November 28, 2011 by KriyaH

After watching myself start this blog, begin countless programs to learn how to actually do this, then fall into a pattern of wanting to post, wanting to even just write anything I’ve come to the point where I believe I should come clean with anyone that has actually been sticking around, waiting for me to come through with all the promises I made back there in the beginning.  I’ve again noticed that my tried and true- or more accurately, FALSE pattern of distractibility, copping out with excuse after excuse, and generally choosing unconsciousness. Ehh… that feels a little extreme.

I’m not only unconscious.  I think what has happened is that I just got overwhelmed through the constant focus on trying too hard to do the right thing.  I also returned to regularly second-guessing myself and really getting swept away by doubt and fear of every shape and size.  While I know that I could be doing any number of things to shift back out of this, I also know that knowing isn’t enough.  The “move your feet” part of “pray and move your feet” is just as essential as the prayer part.  This is something I have actually witnessed firsthand in my own life rather recently, too, so it frustrates me that much more to not be able to just hop back into the light.

I feel so tired all the time.  So so soooo freakin tired!  It’s like all my life force has just drained right out of me and keeps draining so quickly that my soul feels dried out and even brittle.  Starved, malnourished, neglected, mistreated, and painfully alone.  Sometimes I even wish that I could just shut off this part of me that is determined to be happy and fulfilled and in loving service to the higher work we are gathered here to do.  Just CLICK, flip the switch right off.  Sometimes the lessons are just that painful and my resistance is so…resistant (!!) that to consider allowing feels like climbing a mountain or letting a part of myself actually die.  I get paralyzed and very, very stuck.  Another one of my patterns is to be stuck but even with that awareness it still happens time and time again.  Usually something extraordinarily painful triggers the initial turning away, but then again, extraordinarily painful experiences are also a pretty routinized occurrence in my life.  But, when I sit here and center, I know deeply that there are extremely valuable nuggets of wisdom in each and every turn of the wheel and that through my choice in THIS moment, right here and now, I can step by step gather my bearings and move my feet with purpose.

I am not going to make one single promise today.  I simply am not willing to put the pressure on myself when writing is already so challenging.  I am going to just write this post and publish it.  I just wanted you to know that I am here, I just don’t really know what the hell I’m doing!  I have a big and beautiful vision for what The Positivity Crusade is, but I am in over my head as far as the details and actual how-to of the whole thing.  I have to admit that right now to maintain my commitment to my deepest heartfelt value of Truth, Honesty, and Openness.  If I want to exude the qualities of authenticity, I must actually be authentic.

Right now, that means that I admit that I have no clue how to author a blog, create a dynamic, functional, and enriching website, or even really how to work out the idea itself.  I’ve spent far too much money online buying up training courses that I start but don’t finish or that seem to be for people that already sorta know what they are doing.  Looking at the state of my life, I also am in no position to advise anyone on transforming their lives.  All I can do right now is give you a glimpse into my life as it is today, letting you watch over my shoulder as I work through the kinks of life.  I have my own healing to do and I would love to have the opportunity to share my day to day experience of it with you.

The Positivity Crusade is, after all, about the path of growth.  It takes many forms.  I just wanted to be clear about the direction of the content for the near future.  I may come just to dump and rant about whatever feeling is overwhelming me at the moment.  Please keep coming; please keep your hearts open so we can share in this experience together.  If my going through some of these depths can make someone else’s experience just a little bit easier to traverse, I’m grateful for the chance to help.

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SWEET!!!

Posted on November 21, 2011 by KriyaH

Finally, I am back into my dashboard and cPanel area!! I can’t begin to express what a relief this is as it’s been months since I’ve posted and I’ve been writing and coming up with all sorts of new *stuff to bring to the website!! Oh wow :) I am so HAPPY and GRATEFUL that I actually got the mess I created figured out and am again able to connect with all of you. You’ll be seeing much more of me in the days to come. Right now, however, my soup is getting cold, again, and I’m quite hungry.

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Kittens!!!

Posted on July 29, 2011 by KriyaH

I am proud to announce the birth of Nika’s new litter!!

Her first orange one ;)

I only just even realized she was expecting a couple weeks ago- last time she was a full year between litters, this time only 4-5 months.  She’s such a trooper when it comes to giving birth.  It inspires me in some ways, to aspire to be more like animals.  They never get held back by self-created obstacles, they never limit themselves with self-sabotage, they don’t ever NOT be their most true selves.  I love that simplicity and being able to watch her change into the fierce Mother goddess with no hesitation or worry about what someone might think or anything else limiting is absolutely miraculous.  Plus, on a sort of self-oriented note, when she had kittens in March I was less than a month clean.  I was doing a lot of really deep self-compassion work at the time and having her to watch with her babies was an excellent catalyst for raising compassion within me.  I feel blessed to be able to be a part of the eight weeks I’ll have with them that also seem to be the most productive and potentially revolutionary eight weeks of my life up to now.  Self-love was the ONE change I made in my life when I was at my absolute most desperate in needing reason to continue living.  I needed a source to fuel me while I let go of all the old “stuff” that was attracting the misery I was so lost in.  Self-compassion gave me that. It gave me the energy to open up which then allowed me the perspective that I don’t need to hurt or punish myself anymore.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        That, in fact, each and every time I would start to react with the customary negativity to something I was experiencing was really a reminder to shower myself with unconditional love.  Love much like that you unabashedly rush to give a wounded child.  That ONE practice changed my life dramatically.  As long as I keep sourcing myself in that unlimited unconditional sense of compassion my life just keeps getting better.  Because I have experienced such amazing growth in such a short time I feel like I’m coming up to the point where it’s really time to let go of everything I used to think was all life could be.  I am glimpsing the possibility of what’s to come and am ready to take the leap.  Now I’ve got the kittens around to induce a constant flow of compassion which will be of great comfort in those moments of hesitation and doubt.  I want to thank you all again for being a part of this with me!  My love is flowing outward toward you and all of those who will never read a single word I’ve written :)   Be Well and Be the Positivity Crusade.

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Oh My Goodness!! Energy and Inspiration in Full Flow

Posted on July 29, 2011 by KriyaH

Good Morning Dear Reader!!  It’s a grey rainy day here in Northern Connecticut.  I’m grateful as I see the poor brown and fragile grass looking quite thirsty and the rain is very desperately needed this hot summer.  I am writing this morning for a couple reasons.  One is that I feel just so inspired that I’m writing like crazy.  Not all of it is coming out as cohesively as I’d like it to be for posting however I feel so much coming that I cannot help but share my excitement with all of you.  The second reason is that I am committed to developing consistency with posting that you can rely on.  It’s really important to me to continue to provide you with content that you actually want to read, content that will bring you back (so you are here when the vision is made manifest J)  I am still buzzing from ALL the wonderful things going on this week.  I can’t tell you enough about the Everything is Energy 2011 World Summit- it’s just that awesome.  That series alone has me super amped and is really facilitating major breakthroughs in my life, in my relationships, and in the ideas that I plan to bring to The Positivity Crusade.  There’s also been a couple different more marketing oriented business interviews that are inspiring me in a very nuts-and-bolts way.  Combining those two sources of inspiration and growth I am finding more confidence in my own ability to actually be able to serve you and all potential readers in the most helpful and inspiring ways possible.  Without that confidence, surety, conviction, and commitment in place I don’t see myself or The Positivity Crusade going very far at all.  But the good news is that the ideas are coming out faster than I can write them down and they are GREAT!  I have so much planned to bring you that I am somewhat impatient and frustrated because of all the technicalities involved in bringing it out of my heart into the tangible world.  I’m steadily working on it though and I will be posting more soon!  I need a much earned break at this moment and I’m going to go spend a good hour losing myself in Xbox 360 land ;)

Be Well and Keep Crusading!!  BE the crusade ;)

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Sharing Energy is Everything Summit With You!!

Posted on July 27, 2011 by KriyaH

Good Wednesday morning dear Reader!!  I must be honest straightaway so I tell you now that I am a bit distracted and preoccupied this morning BUT what I want to share with you right now is just so important and, to be honest, downright exciting so I’m here, sharing it with you.  Meanwhile, the lawn guy is outside mowing the lawn, releasing one of my all-time favorite aromas into the air: fresh cut grass combined with the oily fumes that a running lawn mower produces.  I used to do landscaping work and omg, I just loved it and the smell of 2-cycle engine oil blended with the grass smell- well it just permeates me with such a wonderful feeling!  So, that’s outside; inside I’m still in pj’s, surrounded by notebooks with various working notes open on them, books earmarked, and webpages tabbed out for ease of getting all this done somewhat efficiently.  What’s all this??  Well, that’s what I’m writing to tell you about.

Up front I want to say that I am not an affiliate of this program, just a rather poor “subscriber” that absolutely stands behind the mission and purpose of this event wholeheartedly.  There is a “Wooo Hoo Contest” aspect but even with that, I want to be able to attend something entirely out of my budget that enables me to bring more to YOU so you can then bring it into your world.  That’s the heart of The Positivity Crusade- opening ourselves up to transmitting more light, more “positivity” into our daily lives and the lives of everyone we come interact with on any level.  The Positivity Crusade is deeply personal while at the same time seeking external expression through our daily interactions.  So, please read on and do check out the link provided.

Yesterday was the kick off day for the Energy is Everything World Summit presented by Kristin and David Morelli.  Last night I listened to the first call replay and it floored me.  I know to expect a lot of energy from this pair as well as Alex Lloyd because I’ve participated in their things before but more and more I am noticing that over the last couple months I’ve felt a noticeable increase in intensity when on certain live calls (more about those in an upcoming post).  It’s even apparent in the replays but it seems to dissipate the longer I wait to listen.  SO, yes, Energy is Everything.  I cannot be clear enough about how much I would love each and every person I know, now know, and even those I’ll never meet to just sign up for this and make a commitment to your truest most awesome self to listen to these interviews over the rest of this week.  I just posted on the Everything is Energy facebook page asking for clarification but I am pretty sure they start at 8PM EDT from Tuesday July 26 through Sunday July 31 (2011).  Hmmn, I just discovered a connection- this ends on Sunday July 31 which happens to be a Black Moon.  What is a “black moon” you ask?  It’s the new moon version of the full “blue moon.”  That means that the black moon is the second New Moon phase in a single calendar month.  A blue moon is the second Full Moon in a calendar month.  It’s a powerful day for energy working.  It’s also the day I’ve been planning a personal ceremony to celebrate the “passing” of my former scared, limited, addicted, and overall miserable and ugly selves. In other words, a sort of funeral for my past.  But- ahh, that’s a future post too!!  It’s now 10:52 AM EDT and  the first of today’s four “Writing Your Book, Building Your Business” classes starts in now seven minutes.  I need to prepare myself to switch into that gear to get what I can from it.  I hope you check out the Energy is Everything 2011 World Summit- it just may change your life in wonderful ways J

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Conflict and Compromise

Posted on July 17, 2011 by KriyaH

I feel anxious and rather lost at the moment.  It’s been building over the last week or so.  There’s been so much going on in my life that I seem to be reeling in its wake.  So much growth and change on different levels bringing an increasingly intense variety of emotions and experiences.  My boyfriend and I have been up to our elbows with improving our individual Self’s so that we can then apply these new teachings to our relationship.  We’ve been together a relatively long time now- longer than my own parents were together and they had three children and a marriage.  We have been through all sorts of highs and lows: From a year apart catalyzed by his incarceration to weeks spent in bliss just thoroughly enjoying every last little bit of each other to everything in between.  In a book I looked through years and years ago that forecasts what will characterize the relationship between two birthdays our combination was foretold to be “challenging” and “intense.”  Friends of ours have referred to “us” as gasoline and matched- both very useful and powerful things, yet explosive when they interact.

We have been going through lots of new stuff with each other over the last few months.  Since both of us are doing a rather lot of intense self-examination and developing new habits that support healthy growth the nature of our relationship is changing.  Sometimes that change happens at such a rate that it takes us a second to catch up!  We have to spend time apart to sort of digest and really figure out how to adapt to this new life we are both individually experiencing.  Sometimes it seems like the challenge is too great, too intense, and that it takes far too much energy and attention to maintain individually centered awareness in its midst.  At times I have an incredible urge to tuck-tail and run as fast as I can the opposite direction.  Thankfully, my ego-self seems to be getting better at noticing when an urge is from a place of fear and insecurity from when that urge is really an intuitive call from Spirit.  I keep telling myself that I am going to write about what is happening in my day to day life and then I just get caught up in the moment and don’t.

Today, since he left rather angrily this morning, I’ve been listening to a bit of positively charged content from some of my favorite speakers which seems to be stirring within me and facilitating a sort of homeostasis-like re-balancing of Self.  I feel the slowing down, the releasing, the loving that alerts me to being in center.  I am so grateful that I am right here, in this moment, in this place, with the thoughts and feelings that I have right now.  I am grateful for everything that brings me here.  It is not always pretty- hell it is usually downright ugly- BUT that is a matter of perception and perception ONLY.  When sensing with higher senses the growth and reward becomes almost obvious.  I am re-realizing that I have lost sight of a clear purpose.  For the last few months it was enough to have a vague purpose, the purpose of finding center and becoming stable there so as to be able to cultivate a more detailed and clear vision for my life and my future.  I’m feeling an intense urge to really dig in and focus as much energy as I can make available to do just that.  Become clear again.  See with soul eyes and know fully where and who I will love being.

So~ that’s where I’m at right now in this moment.  I am very, very interested in knowing what YOU are going through and how you are learning new ways of being.  How are you reconciling vying desires?  I believe that we are all here to learn- from ourselves, from each other, from our pasts, from our present, and even from our future.  I believe that you, the one reading this, has valuable insight from your own experience of growth and life.  I encourage and welcome discussion amongst us kindred spirits- anything and everything relating to positive direction, growth, change, love, light, and just being.  There is value in every experience we live through- where there is pain and despair there is a hidden gem.  Experiencing “negative” or uncomfortable, unpleasant, even painful times can be the most “positive” or life-deepening experiences.  Don’t be afraid to be human!!

Keep Crusading with Love~

Brandi

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